My heart will be satisfied

A strange thought occurred to me on my drive home from lunch today with David. I so often feel very young and inexperienced, or maybe that I'm still in practice mode for life, and not a real adult. The feeling that my voice isn't worth hearing or I don't have much to say in the bigger conversations of life can creep up on me.

But this just isn't true, and that was a weird thing to sit and think on for a few minutes. When did this happen?

I've left my twenties behind, full of beautiful memories and am at the front end of my thirties with much anticipation of all the adventures I will have there. I'm a wife, with someone's heart and intimate person in my care. I'm a mother, responsible for helping raise a tiny human into a kind, loving, strong, and powerful woman. I lead worship with my husband in front of hundreds of people every week. I stand in front of college students, children, my peers, and my elders in a physical sense and metaphorically through social media daily.

This could all become too heavy if I were to dwell on it. It's not in my personality to dwell like this but I know for so many it is.

Under all this weight, under all these roles, I could so easily get lost. I think many women do. I have my moments of struggle. Who have I become? Would 17 year old Miranda recognize 30 year old Miranda? Have I become a slave to my titles?

David's wife.
Marley's mom.
Pastor's wife.
Stay at home mom.

I cherish every one of these titles, but I also understand the depth of getting lost in their simplicity. Since deciding to stay home with Marley and quitting my office job I've thought on this a lot. Am I just another mom who stays home all day with her kid, and will never really have much to give society anymore? Have I lost my edge? Can I remain relevant?

I honestly didn't even realize this had all started to weigh on me very slowly.

Then I bought an album on iTunes by one of my favorite songwriters and his wife, who I'd never heard before. John Mark & Sarah McMillan. JMM writes amazingly poetic songs with rich meaning and depth. I love them! Then I heard the songs Sarah wrote and they reached in a spoke to a part of my heart I didn't know was in need. THEN I read where her heart was when writing and it hit home so hard.

"After the birth of my first son, life changed dramatically. It was a confusing time because I was overwhelmed with joy by the arrival of my beautiful boy, but at the same time grappled with depression over my unanticipated loss of freedom. The adventure and spontaneity that previously defined my life had all but completely vanished in the light of my new responsibilities and physical issues brought on by the pregnancy. My house had become my entire world and this song was a literal prayer to find Jesus here - even in the mundane of my everyday routine. Surely He could be here too."

Her words are simple and true. They speak of some basic truths of our Lord and how that plays into even my simple life of being home.

I have been reminded that I have identity. Yes I am a wife, mother, daughter, and singer. My identity is not found solely in these things though. My identity is found fully in Christ.

"Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God."  John 1:12

Since I am a child of God and can find my identity in Him, I need to know Him. I need Him to blow through me, turn my life upside down, and pursue me. And He will.

Women, we are more than our titles, wether self-imposed or tacked on by this world. We are more than our roles in this world and there is more for us than this life. We have big power and a mighty God blowing through us. Allow Him to blow through you and your life. When you're at work, when you're comforting that teething baby, when you're a strong shoulder for a loved one to lean on. Let His brightness shine on you and then out of you.

You overcome my days with the brightness of Your face

My heart will be satisfied

I will hope in the Lord!

Knit list

Being the unorganized but ambitious crafter that I am, I tend to have more projects in the works than I do completed ones. In some aspects it's nice. I always have something I could be working on. But at the same time there's also always something new I could be starting! It's a problem.

That being said, I just did a mental check and my knit list is slightly daunting when held up to my availability of free time. Granted, none of these knits are vital for life, but once I think up the need to knit something, it must be knit!

Maybe if I type up the list it will get done?

Doesn't hurt to try!

• Finish Marley's baby blanket I started a year ago. (To be fair, the knitting is done. I just need to weave in all the ends...blegh.)
• Finish knit lovey for Marley. Started it on the drive home from Florida back in April. It really just needs a head.
• Finish Christmas gift #1. This is currently ahead of schedule and I'm so proud.
• Knit cute poncho/capelet/sweater thing for Marley in beautiful purple yarn bought last week.
• Knit birthday hat for David in yarn bought in February...oops.
• Knit Matryoshka doll #2 using pattern notes. Then write out and publish said pattern. Make all the money.
• Find, edit, and publish headband patterns I wrote four years ago. Make more of all the money.
• Knit presents for special baby and ship around the world, just in time for his summer.
• Finish first blanket I started before I ever got married. (This one is in storage, so it may be a while.)
• Figure out all other Christmas gifts, buy yarn, start knitting and hope I finish before New Years.
• Get around to knitting pants for friend who insists these are a necessity. (Or just keep this joke running for all eternity.)
• Knit all the gnomes and send them with every student missionary all over the world.

Okay, I know I have more projects but this list is already out of hand and nap time could end any minute.

for you

Sometimes Facebook makes me sad and just plain blegh towards humanity. Sometimes it shows me friends (close and acquaintances) that are hurting. Sometimes it reminds me of someone I haven't seen or thought of in years.

In all these instances it has spurred me on to pray, lately.

For the lost and hurting.
For the persecuted.
For the confused.
For the ones full of anger.
For the struggling marriages and new widows.
For the lonely.
For the scared.

It has also encouraged me to try to have as positive a presence I can on social media. I'm not a confrontational person by nature and starting drama or divisions on the Internet is my last idea of a good time. But it can be so easy to get a little snarky or overly sarcastic in a medium where tone is lost.

So, I mostly post pictures of my silly baby and goofy poodle. I also interact with and call out my husband in a fun way. He enjoys it, I promise.

All that to say: if life has been rough on you lately and you've expressed that via social media, I noticed. I noticed and I care. I've mourned with you for whatever you've lost and I've prayed for you. I have hope for you and I hope you can feel that in some way.

I hope my random life and presence can make you smile a little and know that the Savior who brings me so much joy loves you.

What's a blog again?

I logged in to see how long it's been since I last wrote, and dang...almost a year. Then I thought about waiting 18 days to write this to make it a perfect year break. But I know myself. I'd forget. Write it today and schedule it to post later? I'd get too anxious. Hey, at least I know myself, ha.

Hmmm, what's been going on this past year? Nothing too exciting really. I'll just list it all out since life has been pretty slow and is basically the same as last year.

• August 2014: David and I moved in with my parents when our apartment lease was up to help save all the money for a house. We have roughly 216 sq. ft. to ourselves.
• October 2014: I had a baby. A daughter. Marley Diane. She showed up on the 15th and basically nothing changed, I don't know why everyone says life is never the same...weirdos.
• December 2014: Went back to work after 6 weeks and basically hated it. Loved my job, hated being there. It was weird, confusing, frustrating, and a total downer for me.
• Christmas break. Woo!
• January 2015: Went back to work and gave my notice. Lots of mixed emotions.
• February 2015: Began life as a stay at home mom, while living with my mom...who also stays home because she's retired. Lots of momming around this place.
• April 2015: Road-tripped to Florida to introduce the Bordens to our spawn and go to DisneyWorld with just David. So much fun. So much.
• June 2015: David's company did a major downsizing and he was one of the lucky ones to get the boot. We're actually pretty excited to figure out what we're gonna do next.

Like I said, no big life changes. ;)

I was thinking earlier that now would be the perfect time to really kick this blog off into a cool new direction. Some potential candidates for new themes?

• Small Space Living: the adventures of Chuy & Marley
• Hipster Parenting: how to mom in Austin. TX and retain hipster cred
• Woes of a Worship leader's Wife (what does that even mean?)
• Just Keep Knitting: crafting with tiny fingers all up in my business

Those are just a few thoughts. Then I remembered I'm Miranda and I am terrible at this whole intentional blogging thing and don't actually know enough about being a hipster or lamenting about the ever present woes of being married to the clergy. What I am good at is sporadic, snarky posts full of Instagram pictures and maybe a few deep thoughts about the life I lead.

For now, enjoy a picture of my ridiculous family that I absolutely love doing life with. (Doing life with? Ugh. How 2010.)

7 months of changes

I've been pondering what to post for a while and time eventually got away from me.

There were times in the life of this blog where I thought I'd post multiple times a week, document daily life, every detail of my wedding, pregnancy, apartment decorating, and so on. As my life grew and changed over the years I've realized that though I still love this blog, it just probably won't ever be something I devote a lot of time to...and I'm ok with that.

It's not that I don't enjoy sharing my life on here, I do. It's more I'm not very good at time management and this has just become a lower priority in life. I do like to come back and add pictures and sometimes there will be spurts of updates. Maybe someday it will pick up again as a regular thing. We shall see :)

For now, enjoy these updates. The last 7 months have held some big changes for David and I and some of them are revealed in the pictures below.

Got some new ink.

David turned a year older and got some new guitar toys.

Chuy turned 4!

We found out we'll be be gaining a new Wall in October!

Chuy remained the cutest poodle in the world.

I turned a year older.

Started baby knitting.

More baby knitting!

Did some non-baby knitting.

Back to baby knitting.

Colors 2 and 3 of a big 7 color blanket for baby.

Dyed some onesies.

Lots of naps and chill time on the couch with this little guy.

More couch time.

Even more couch time with Chuy.

infinity times infinity

I've been listening to a lot of Sleeping at Last and knitting lately. The song 'Sun' has some good words, but I like this excerpt the most:

Infinity times infinity times infinity times infinity.
Let there be light, let there be light, let me be right…

And in keeping with the infinity theme of this little post....I knit my first infinity scarf!

It's squishy, soft, and lightweight. Perfect for a Texas winter where it's 36 degrees in the morning but 60 in the afternoon. I enjoyed working on this a lot. It's a simple 2x2 rib scarf with the ends joined and wrapped with yarn. I may never knit a normal scarf again when I know I can make a shorter piece and get a better end result!

Crazy Walls

I'm here! Life blew up in the good way and blogging has been my last priority the last few months. David and I both work and on top of that are now the worship leaders for 3 different services at two churches. It's a lot of work but we love it and are so excited to see God's plan unfold and be revealed to us. So. Fun!

I've been doing a little crafting, mostly Christmas gifts and the like. I have some things that are 90% done that I hope to put up in my shop soon. Whenever that gets done I'll post it here and on my facebook page.

I'm excited to see what 2014 has in store for the Walls, and I hope to share a glimpse of our lives with you!

Falling into place

I can't believe we're almost halfway through October already!

I thought life was settling down after our move but man, was I wrong. Here's a quick rundown of what we've been up to over the past two months:

Began leading worship at a small church in Manor, TX
School started and work at the BSM got crazy
Loving having a super fun house mate
Cut more of my hair off
Led the rec team at our church's fall retreat and wore lots of neon
Spent time with our besties who are serving in Haiti
Discovered AWOLNATION.....so good
Spent a lot of time making our new apartment home
Bought new jeans a size down, success!
Finished ladies Bible study and about to start a new book with them
Lots of experimental cooking
Started leading worship on Wednesday nights for the Woodlawn youth
Leading worship this weekend for BSM retreat
Storing up lots of new crafting ideas in my head once our studio is cleaned up and usable

I want to expand on some of these soon, so we'll see if that happens. Life is busy, but so beautifully full and I love it.

lovely balcony lights

enjoying our peaceful view

BBC Manor // where we lead worship on Sunday mornings

driving out to Leakey, TX

short hair again!

doing our thing

never a dull weekend around here

feeling more like home daily

sweet potato gnocchi // successful new recipe!

excited to play music!

Summer

I inadvertently took the summer off from blogging. There was a lot going on in the Wall home and now that life is settling back down into a semi-regular groove I hope to update much more.

Here's a rundown of our summer.

Of Monsters and Men concert
Mumford and Sons concert
Started a ladies Bible study with 5 amazing women
Major Jaw surgery with brief hospital stay
Lived on couch for two weeks recovering from surgery
Knit many gneon gnomes
Lots of physical therapy on jaw
Learning how and what I can now eat
New prospects for leading worship for David and I
Cut over a foot of my hair off
Cut all Chuy's hair off
Began singing again
Made pom pom garlands
Moved to the apartment across the hall
Learning how much singing I can tolerate while still recovering and healing
Gained a super fabulous roommate named Sophie

That's basically all...nothing major, right? :)

If you want to stay more updated you can always like my randamocity facebook page or follow my  instagram @randamocity. I update those way more than the blog.

Our studio is a chaotic warzone right now from the move four days ago. Here's a picture of some gnomes I made this week to tide you over until I can get everything organized and start creating again. These were a custom order for a bride's wedding cake. I had so much fun working on colors and details with her.

bejeweled

I've been on a bit of a jewelry making kick lately. Compared to knitting and sewing it's just so fast and easy to complete a project! I'm also really picky about buying jewelry so I've just turned to making most of my own, unless it's something I just can't or don't know how to make. I love the versatility making my own jewelry gives me, plus it really is super easy.

I keep intending to make and sell some of my jewelry but I just haven't updated my shop yet. I do have at least 4 necklaces hanging up at home ready to sell. I've even taken nice pictures of them! Lazy? Yup! :)

Below are some necklaces I've made that aren't for me to wear. The first was my sister's Christmas present this past year. The second is one of my favorite creations lately. Mini spools wrapped in metallic yarn on a simple chain. There are even color options!